" WHY HE IS?"

" bakit sia pa ang lalaking mag papatibok ng aking nahihimlay na puso...."
na hindi dapat sia ang karapatdapat maging bf ko.....hahai nako!!!!
ang nagustohan ko lng sa kanya ay ang kanyang ugali at dimple nia....

mabait naman sia,sweet,caring,at palaging jolly....
kaya lng dumating ang isang araw na naging malabo na ang aming pagkakaibigan....
sa isang maliit na topic lng un....na akala ko ay isang biro para sa kanya ngunit seryoso na pala para sa kanya un...

hindi ko na alam kung ano gagawin ko...
nais ko sana syang kausapin pero nahihiya ako...
at naging pamati na sia,at mailap na sia ngaun sa akin...
hahai............
bakit ikw pa kasi ang tinitibok ng puso ko
wh meron naman isa dyan na mas inlove ako sa kanya
since HS pa lang kami crush na crush ko sia...
bakit di na lng si..at bakit ikw pa ang napili ng puso ko...

hirap talaga ng ma inlove ka....??!!!!!!!!!

****Caraga Trip*****

    In my trip to CARAGA  I have a lot of experience  and adventures there....It`s super fun and a lot of nice place there that u can see....I really really miss the fun and the things that I`v  done there....

The Art of Letting Go

It's over. He's gone.
Why do we have to part while the love is still there? Why do we have to suffer? Why do we have to cry when somebody bids goodbye? Why do beginnings have an end? Why do we have to meet only to lose in the end?
There are questions left unanswered, words left unsaid, letters left unread, poems left undone, songs left unsung, love left unexpressed, promises left unfulfilled.
In a relationship, one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye and letting go. It is as hard as breaking a crystal because you'll never know when you will be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than not, they who go, feel not the pain of parting: it is they who stay behind that suffer, because they are left with memories of a love that was meant to be, a love that was.
At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that's the way love goes. That's the drama, the bittersweet and the risk of falling in love. After all, nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without us knowing when, without us knowing how, without us even knowing why. And we must forget not because we have to but because we have to.
In letting go, sorrows come not as a single spy but in batallion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath you take always reminds you of him. It's like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night. Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person is missing. Just imagine, there are billion people on earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without the other.
I don't know if it's worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills sparkled with a considerable space and time. Time heals all wounds but it takes a little push on our part. Acceptance plays a part. Not all love stories end with "...and they live happily ever after."
Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to suffer if it would mean happiness for others. We have to cry to temporarily let go of the pains. Every beginning has its end like every dawn has its dusk. It's something we can't control, something we had to live up.
It's over. He's gone. But life has to go on. Goodbye doesn't always mean forever. There will always be a place and time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled. Somewhere. Somehow. Someday.

This wat i want

i want to meet someone very genuine... someone who could make me laugh, knows the proper way of how and when to throw jokes... full of sence of humor... but knows how to be serious when needed... in other words good conversationalist... knows a something about history, current events, business, politics, and general knowledge, showbiz, economics, banking, finance, science, food and beverages, home, architecture, arts, travel, movies, games, sports, gadgets * technologies, religion, education,medicine, law, or fashion... Some one who fears GOD, family oriented and loves children... responsible, thoughtful, generous, and kind hearted... being sporty and playing any kind of musical instrument will be a bonus points... but most of all i want to meet someone who could love me for who i am and for who I'm not...

ang Gusto Kong Boyfriend

1. SUPER SWEET. yung tipong mag i ilove you sken kahit na marinig pa ng ibang tao, wala siyang pakialam.

2. CUTE MAGSELOS. bigla na lang hindi kikibo tapos ayaw pang kumain.haha then, mya mya makikiusap na wag ko ng kausapin ung dude na pinagselosan nya.

3. EXCLUSIVELY MINE. yung kahit na may magpa kyut na ibang chix eh, suplado mode pa din siya at palagi pa nyang papa alala na ako lang ang "one and only" nya.

4. MAKIKI TEXT PA SA IBA. kapag naubusan siya ng load kasi ayaw nya akong mag worry kung asan na siya.

5. RESPECTS ME. hahayaan pa din nya akong magdesisyon pagdating sa sarili ko or if I wanna have quality time with my friends...maiintindihan nya yun...

6. HINDI MASYADONG MA PRIDE lalo na kapag may tampuhan kme, at alam nyang siya yung may mali... he knows how to say "IM SORRY" and mean it.

7. FULL OF SURPRISES yung bigla nya na lang ako bibigyan ng roses or chocl8's to remind me how much he loves me.

8. ADDICTED TO ME. and ny hugs and kisses tapos kahit nag uusap kame bigla na lng mang halik kci daw super soft and sweet ng lips ko.

9. HONEST AND TRUSTWORTHY. gusto ko yung walang tendency na mag cheat kci"what is love w/o trust? dba.

10. GENTLEMAN yung pag inabutan kme ng ulan aalisin nya yung jacket nya at iyayakap nya sken,

11. CAN PROTECT ME. hindi siya palaaway pero kapag may nang away sken, he's capable of kicking their aSs.

12. WILL CRY TO ME. yung hindi sya mahihiyang ipakita yung vulnerable side nya kapag may problema sya.

13. LOVES ME THE WAY I AM. yung hindi nya ako icocompare sa iba, and instead he'll make me feel na " I am the best partner/boyfriend" he's ever had...

if that is you... then you are what i'm looking for..

feel free to send me a message... and please do sign on my guestbook, thanks

PROUD OF IT!!!!!!

Life is never that simple...neither had it been so complicated. People are the ones making it either ways. We live by our free will. We strive. We fight. We struggle. We survive. It's always like that.

One's sexuality/orientation cannot be denied. Who cares if you are GAY...BISEXUAL...STRAIGHT??? In this small world we live in...nothing is PERMANENT...Nobody's PERFECT they say...Yeah...NOBODY...if you get caught out in your closet...so what? YOu need not DENY it...instead, be PROUD of it. That's the LESSON I've learned after so much pretentions. It's so hard hiding in your closet. You cannot move. You cannot make any noise...or else EVERYTHING will be in chaos.

Live without PREOCCUPATIONS...

Move out from your COMFORT ZONE...

Live free...stay free...

Never mind what other people say...

You have a life of your own...

BE PROUD.

STAND UP.

and...

TAKE TIME to REFLECT...


If it's not yours, it will never be yours no matter how obsessed you are with it...But if in case, just in case...It's for you, It'll always be for you no matter how often you IGNORE it...

Live a LIFE...

Controversy

So much controversy has swirled around my writings the past few days that very little attention ever gets paid to my motive. Friendships are all but forgotten. While I have no regrets regarding the choices I’ve made, I’ve learned to appreciate the idea of expressing myself in a more subtle way. When people whom you thought were your friends tend to backstab you by creating so much fuss about something which was totally misinterpreted, you then realize there are indeed the existence of people who would do anything just for the sake of something insignificant without thinking first of the consequences. My blogs are my opinion, my thoughts, and my way of venting out my angst. They are only meant to be read by people whom they are addressed to. To the person who sinisterly conveyed my opinion to the wrong person, my congratulations for showing your true colors. By the way, I know who you are. Just as I know the difference between something which is true and something that's just a lie. You need not worry, I’m not as malevolent and I won’t disclose your name. I believe people do have the ability to distinguish real people from rotten ones. This blog, in turn, is meant to be read by everyone--for your benefit, saving you the inconvenience of forwarding it to those who are not concerned.

This whole embroilment is not the only reason for me to relinquish my position, it is but one. Admittedly, it’s the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

To my friends who remained to defend me when some have questioned my actions, my deepest gratitude… I am forever grateful.

STEPS TO GET OVER AN EX

* CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATION. The more contact you have with an ex will keep you tied to that person. You should tell a person you can't see him/her because `I'm healing from this relationship. You're not trying to move on until you completely disconnect. It's counterproductive if you keep the communication going because it gives you the opportunity to backslide. You've got to be taking steps or you allow things to remain stagnant. * DO NOT REMAIN FRIENDS. If you have children, you're no longer friends, but business associates. Only discuss the kids. When you remain friends there's still an emotional attachment to the drama. Friendship is the foundation of a relationship.
* DO NOT DATE. Give yourself at least 3 to 6 months to review in your heart and head what happened before you date. There is a grieving process. You shouldn't get into any serious dating or relationships because you need time to review and get back in touch with you. If you've been with a person for years, give yourself a year. It takes time to release a person from your energy field.
* DO NOT LISTEN TO SAD LOVE SONGS. Stay away from the oldies and slow jams for the first couple of months, because they tear your heart apart. People think slow songs are therapeutic, but they can be torturous.
* THINK ABOUT WHY YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER. There's a reason why you're not together. Focus on that reason.
* RID YOURSELF OF REMINDERS OF YOUR EX. Get rid of things that remind you of that person because everything holds energy. Cleanse your house so that it's a clean space because it holds spirit. Get rid of jewelry and mementos by giving them to another person or charity. Keeping items will keep you attached to that person. If you lived together, get rid of the bed because it too holds spirit.
* STOP TALKING ABOUT THE EX. When it's over, it's over. Even when friends and family want to talk about it, don't. Friends and family can't give you perspective because they will always be on your side. Words are powerful. The more you talk about it the more you're connected and it keeps that energy going.
* GET BUSY. Do things that are a service to others. Volunteer at a hospital or at the Red Cross. When you come out of a relationship, everything will remind you of that person. When you're of service to someone else, it takes your mind off of it so that person isn't in your head so much.

Boundaries For You & Your Guy

Introduction Have you ever skipped going to the health club one day because you just absolutely had no motivation to get all sweaty and tired? Or what about gorging on a half-gallon of ice cream to cope with your stress? Ever leave the mall wondering what the heck you were thinking maxing out your credit card? Do you work more hours at your job than need be? These are situations where a boundary violation of the self has occurred and we’ve all been there.
Boundaries are the limits we set around ourselves to keep safe, centered, and accountable. They are usually drawn from our values and they define who we are and what we will and won’t accept in our lives to keep our integrity and well-being intact. The more aligned our behavior is with our defined boundaries, the more balance and harmony we tend to experience in our lives. When we act outside the confines of our boundaries, our self-esteem can take a hit and we actually can create a whole host of other stressors that will disrupt us and leave us feeling badly and out-of-integrity. It is human nature to stumble outside our boundaries from time to time, but when it becomes a way of life, underlying issues may be at play that will require some attention and intervention to avoid ongoing conflicts in one’s life.
Not only do we have self-imposed boundaries, but boundaries also pertain to our relationships. A healthy relationship is comprised of two men with a solid sense of self and identity. Boundaries help protect the partners of a couple from abuse or outside influences of others. They help create a sense of security in the partnership, allowing safe communication of needs and feelings between the partners that helps to solidify a positive connection and intimacy. Boundaries help cement what is deemed appropriate and inappropriate conduct both within and outside the context of being a couple and help to define who you are and what you stand for as life partners.
Boundaries & Relationship Types
Here’s an illustration as to why boundaries are important to your relationship. Take out a piece of paper. At the top of the page, draw two circles on opposite sides of the page. This represents the type of relationship where the couple identifies themselves as a pair, however they have little connection with each other and live parallel lives with minimal contact, sharing, or interaction that would support an intimate commitment. This relationship exhibits boundaries that are too strong to allow closeness and which there’s too much separateness and division between the two men. Little will grow from this except more of a “roommate feeling” and dissension. This style has too much individual identity.
In the middle of the page, draw two circles with one on top of the other. This relationship type is called enmeshed, where the couple is practically one whole. You are your partner; you live and breathe your partner with very little independence and individuality. You are merged together so completely that you lose your sense of self because you’re so fused and any perceived threat that exists to your relationship is thought of as devastating. The problem with this relationship style is that partners can feel suffocated and overly-dependent on each other; controlling behaviors are not uncommon and you can feel restricted and trapped. This style has too much couple identity.
At the bottom of the page, draw two circles that are mildly intertwined at the sides. This is a healthy relationship where the partners are slightly merged. There is a healthy balance of separateness and togetherness. The couple is flexible, honoring their uniqueness as individuals and their shared connection as partners. Because of this balance, “fresh air” is constantly being breathed into the relationship, revitalizing it and making it exciting, unlike the staleness of the former relationship type where everything is about the other person. This style works because the boundaries aren’t too rigid or loose and they take into account that healthy relationships have both individual and couple identities. This is what you want to shoot for!
Boundary Violations In Gay Relationships
We’ve talked about self-oriented boundary violations like straying from your diet or cheating on a test. Violations in your relationship with your partner can be particularly damaging, however, as they can diminish your trust in each other and cause significant conflicts and emotional distance that can tear down the foundation of commitment you’ve built. Again, it’s human to stray from our boundaries at times, but when it becomes pervasive and isn’t talked about with your partner to try and remedy it, serious consequences can arise.
Here are some examples of common boundary violations in relationships to give you a better idea of what we’re talking about:
• You drink too much at the bar with your friends and flirt with all the men near you while your partner is away on business
• Your partner pressures you to experiment with sexual practices you’re not comfortable with
• You don’t stick up for your partner when your family badmouths him
• Your partner makes other things, like work or his hobbies, more of a priority than spending quality time with you
• You don’t voice your opinions about the way you would like things to function in your relationship and then harbor feelings of resentment toward your partner when he makes all the decisions
• Your partner strays from your monogamous relationship by cheating with someone he met on the Internet
• Negativity, jealousy, passive-aggressiveness, lying, withdrawal, blaming…these are also “red flags”
And the list goes on and on! It is only a violation if either of you behave in a way that contradicts the relationship vision or mission that the two of you should have and should continue to be co-creating from the inception of your partnership. Communication of your expectations and values is critical from the very beginning of your relationship and should continue to be re-visited periodically to ensure you both are still “on the same page”. Your relationship and the players involved in it will grow and change, which is a normal part of your maturation, and you’ll need to be open to this and make revisions to your original “contract” as necessary.
Tips For Boundary-Setting Success
• As an individual, determine whether you struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries in your relationships and life in general. Difficulties with boundaries can come from many sources, including: being raised in a dysfunctional family where unhealthy boundaries were modeled, low self-esteem, lack of individual identity and codependency, poor assertiveness and social skills, being in an abusive or toxic relationship, being easily guilt-prone, having addictions of any kind, having power/control issues, getting a sense of validation for catering to a relationship partner, etc. Try to identify where your struggles with boundaries originate and keep track of what triggers your self-sabotaging behavior. Work aggressively at overcoming these personal hurdles to promote a more solid and confident sense of self.
• Take a class on assertiveness training or get some counseling to help you build skills in identifying your needs and feelings and how to directly express them without guilt or qualification.
• As a couple, plot out a relationship mission statement that specifies your values and expectations for behavioral conduct as individuals and as a couple. This becomes your “relationship contract” that will give you a structure by which to live your life with integrity and stability. Introduce spontaneity and novelty into your relationship from time to time so you don’t feel like you’re living according to a policies and procedures manual and to keep the spark alive.
• Make sure that you both define your particular boundaries around money, household management and domestics/division of labor, sex, monogamy vs. non-monogamy, parenting roles (if applicable), work, friends, family, health, spirituality, the way anger is dealt with, how you spend your time, etc. It may seem like a lot of material to cover, but the more that’s communicated will lessen the opportunity for surprise violations to occur in the future. It’s a great way to learn more about each other too and create further growth as a couple.
• Realize that you and your guy will not always see eye-to-eye on things. It will be important to recognize and appreciate your differences and have systems in place to manage disagreements (eg. fair-fight rules, taking Time-Outs when anger gets unproductive, following the problem-solving process for reaching win/win solutions, practicing forgiveness and compromise, etc.). Communication is key of course! Make sure you’re both well adept in the fine art of active listening to help pave the way toward resolution.
• Boundaries protect your relationship from outside forces as well. Should family or friends try to come between you, even if well-intentioned, always stand by your man and reinforce your commitment to each other. Don’t enable other peoples’ efforts to force their viewpoints and projections onto your relationship.
Conclusion
So whether you’re single and looking for Mr. Right or you’ve already found him, recognize the profound importance boundaries have on your well-being and quality of life. Without them, you’re left in a vulnerable position and can make poor choices that could adversely affect the course of your life. Knowing yourself and standing up for what you believe in can empower you to enjoy life to the fullest and accomplish great things in your relationships.

What sadness is?

Is it an emotion? Is it a fact? have experienced it at one time or another- in times of illness, loss, fear, stress, disappointment - as an emotional state brought on by circumstances. My life is on a perpetual edge of sadness.

I feel it lurking around every corner, crouching in the shadows. I wear sadness like a second skin, or at times I feel it sweeping over them like a suffocating wave. Even if I appear upbeat and happy, it is ...always present, a vaguely perceived mist in the distance.

Cruel Algebra of Love

According to an internet counter on one website dedicated to roughly estimating the population of the Earth at any given moment, the planet is host to 6,509,409,546 people as of 3:30 p.m. eastern time, March 28, 2005. This counter increases by around three units every second, which means by the time you finish this sentence, there will be enough humans born in that miniscule duration to form a basketball team.

This raises some interesting points such as, “how do
they calculate the birth rate as opposed to the death rate arrived at three
people per second?” or “who bothers thinking this crap up?”, and most
significantly, “who will all these new humans vote for American Idol?” Enticing stuff really.

It also calls into question the validity and romance
on the One True Love. Let’s do the math.

There is six and a half billion people currently
converting oxygen. According to further statistics, three-fifths of the world’s
population is female, meaning we're already left with two and a half billion
men, to choose from. Deduct the underage boys and the extremely geriatric,
along with the married, the mentally deranged, the Catholic priests, and the
criminally violent, and you should be left with about (and I’m guessing at this
point) a billion.

As an added modifier, let’s disqualify the huge chunk
of men you will never meet anyway due to geographic, language and time
constraints. . As I find no resources to
estimate this demographic, I’m going to say you’ve still got a fair amount of
nominally sane, sperm producing males left to contemplate, and who
may reciprocally consider you as a perfect match.

So you see, the first
obstacle of serious consideration towards the possibility of the One True Love is that it literally is one-in-a-million-lottery. You have to consider the
immense amount of good fortune or, if you believe in this sort of thing,
destiny involved in finding the perfect match given the sheer magnitude of men out there. Its worst than finding a needle in a sack of needles. We got to
endure a lot of pin heads and pricks.

Now if the romantic supposition of the One True Love
was more than just a notion and was actually a watertight fact of human
existence, if by some fantastic science they are able to demonstrate that two
people are indeed meant for each other in the most biological senses, I believe that the entire human race will come to an abrupt end. On the occasion that CNN or the scientific Americans can excitedly publishes its findings that trough comprehensive DNA testing or through an accidental CAT scan of deliriously happy couple, they have discovered that
there is such a thing a the perfect match. I believe that we will be dead soon
after. Dead. Like the leaders of the Abu Sayyaf.

There are certain things that man is not supposed to
know for certain. Or better yet, there are certain things man is supposed to
earn the right to know for certain. The existence of God, the attainment of
peace, and the One True Love. These are the concepts that should never be
compromised or cheapened by convenient access, because by their very essence, they can only be realized through a process. Like jealous deities, these abstraction demand sacrifice, and diligence, and allegiance, before the miracles and bounty can be witnessed. They are the fuel and the engines of human evolution and it is not the knowledge of them that drives us, but it is
process of searching for them that makes us worthier people. The answer is only satisfying when the right question is asked.

Because it hurts like a serrated knife sawing slowly
through my shinbone when we're apart, it appears obvious, to me, that what I am suffering is a symptom of true love. Because his arms melded seamlessly
into the contour of my body, & our conversations
were almost poetic in cadence and resonance, & he smelled like freshly sharpened Mongol pencils (which happens to drive me insane with lust), I assume it must be true love.. Unfortunately, such symptoms are hardly accurate indicators of a proper diagnosis. I suffer such bouts of polarized emotions all the time; whether it’s on a date (well, kinda something like it) or when I have too much to drink. Heck, I feel I could marry this cup of coffee I’m sipping right now.

This is not to say that I'm wrong about *e%* or
whoever it may be, being the ones amongst the millions out there. It seems
evident that he must be special if "I feel that he is". And perhaps, he could
be the perfect match for me. I’m not saying that he is. Let’s just assume
that. And you know who I’m referring to. Right?

I must divert myself from such a restrictive philosophy. As I stated earlier, True Love is one of those things that has to be earned, not just discovered. We all hear stories of couples that meet in the most unexpected of circumstances, and have stayed together despite the rigors of age and senescence, and who claim to have been fortunate enough to have ended up with their kindred soul. For every wedding speech that created
these mushy anecdotes, I guarantee there are just as much as much separation statements claiming “diametrically opposed differences”. While it is certainly romantic to imagine two wandering souls finding each other amidst the ocean of possible permutations, it is so much more exhilarating to find that they worked it as well.

To return to my hypothesis that we would all drop
dead upon the conclusive discovery that there was but one person for each
person, and that we could actually find out right away, let us embark on a
disturbing fiction. Imagine a machine, like a photo booth, wherein one could
sit inside, pay a couple thousands of pesos, and have the computer within
analyze the participant through x-rays or whatnot, and within five minutes
print out a picture of his One True Love complete with his email address and
the best time to instant message him. Out of nagging curiosity, and against my better judgment, I probably would take the damn test. But a smarter person would refuse.

Because all the poetry and art and communal progress
that we, as a race, have achieve thus far, will unravel when Marc Ace is
supposed to be with %E*#. I knew it. Deep down inside, at
the bosom of our personal hells, we all knew it.

I believe in true love, but not necessarily a One
True Love that exist independently on our influence. That would be an
unbelievably a cruel algebra. I think the mathematics of singularity, while
romantic beyond description and enthusiasm reserved for unique situations. But requisite to that I believe that everybody should be able to love again with the same ardor, even with a different person. Circumstances beyond our control will occasionally determine whether or not we can be with a person, such as my secret love that is not a secret anymore (do you want me to divulge it again? my name is.... R*** ( clear commercial)). If we order ourselves to a force we cannot control, we risk crippling our ability to assimilate and enjoy future experiences, sometimes permanently.

To bring this rambling article to concise summation,
we have to be optimistic about what we are going through, regardless of how
bleak it may seem. Perhaps, there is such a thing as one person per person, but that is a matter of personal philosophy best exercise by loving him the
best as I can, while I can. In the end, having a healthy, fruitful
relationship with another is simply a reflection of how much I'm having a
healthy, fruitful relationship with myself.

One day. Hopefully, even I will settle down and end
up with the person I love, not because was engineered by fate or biology to be my perfect match, but because we both worked at it. Or because of a potent viral epidemic wipes out every other man on the planet, making me the last virile male specimen in an Amazonian island of double X chromosomes. In which case I refuse to be selfish with my love.